When the relationship is new and fresh, you can’t get enough of each other’s company. You fall in love and everything is coming up roses. But then somewhere during the long stretch, the spark that once was the drive in the relationship fizzles and now you two are miserable with each other or one partner is miserable with the other. You fight about money, sex, time and other things. Or you both ignore the problems and become distant. You’re contemplating ending the relationship but don’t know if you should.
Deciding Whether to Remain in a Relationship
Relationships are some of the most complex aspects of our lives, especially when they are long-term. When things are going well, romance can be euphoric in nature but at the low points couples may experience emotional and mental depression.
What if you’re at a state of ambivalence, you don’t know whether to stay committed to your relationship or leave and look for something that could become even better? Maybe what you have is good enough, and you’d be a fool to abandon it in search of something new, something you may never find.
Sticking it Out
Ending a relationship is never easy. You have a history with your partner both good and bad and starting over is difficult. Some people would rather ’stick it out’ and stay in the relationship even if they’re unhappy to avoid the pain that ‘breaking up’ brings, or they’re passive, hoping he/she will end it first. A romantic relationship needs to be cared for and nurtured in order to endure. Time and attention is needed to keep each other interested.
When you have little time for each other or new interests such as hobbies and needs of other people start putting a wedge between you two as a couple, then the relationship could be heading for disaster. Also, if your attention continually wanders away from your partner and engages the interest of another, (not just glancing at an attractive or interesting person) this could be a signal that the romance has faded.
Starting Over - Fading Out
Below are important signs to look for to know it’s time to end the relationship.
- Loss of Respect - If you find that you or your partner constantly talk in a way that suggest contempt and annoyance in almost every utterance, your relationship may be doomed.
- Abusive Partner - If your partner is physically or mentally abusive you should almost certainly remove yourself from the relationship, it’s only going to get worse from there.
- Cheating Partner - If your partner cheats multiple times, doesn’t make the effort to stop and doesn’t sympathize with the pain it’s causing you, it’s time to leave.
- Unsavory Activities - If your partner is involved in illegal or immoral activities and they show no interest in recognizing the problem and getting help, help yourself out of the relationship.
- Meeting Your Needs - If it takes too much effort to get your needs met, it’s not worth staying.
- Make You A Better Person - If he/she does little to enhance your life, (e.g. make you want to be a better person). You’ll gain more by leaving and finding someone else who will.
- Feelings Fade - You no longer have strong feelings for your partner but reminisce about the feelings you used to have. You love what used to be, not enough to keep a relationship going.
- Emotionally Disconnected - You’re finding more reasons to spend time apart, frequent time apart equals no relationship.
- Core Values Changing - If you’ve changed your values, beliefs or goals to accommodate your partner hoping this will end relationship problems, separate yourself from the relationship.
- Forgiveness - If you find you can’t forgive each other’s transgressions then resentment will gradually replace love - Leave.
- No Fun - If he/she is lacking a sense of humor and doesn’t like to have fun, end it. A relationship without fun, is no relationship at all.
- Don’t Distance Yourself - If you find yourself distancing or cutting off ties with former close relationships such as family and friends, this could be a controlling factor. Leave the one who dominates.
- Promises Broken - If your partner constantly makes promises to you that go unfulfilled, end it. This is an indication that when it comes to more serious matters, those promises will not be kept either.
- Future Planning - If there is no planning of your future together, (your goals, hopes and dreams) something is definitely wrong - time to go.
You should be happier in a romantic relationship and more alive, not emotionally or mentally drained throughout. Your romantic interest should make you want to be the best person you can, to achieve your goals, love more, laugh more often, and others should be able to see the genuinely positive effect he/she is having in your life. So be strong and make the decision that’s right for you. In turn, you’ll be right for someone else.