Two people - Two mindsets

Romantic couples are not exempt from the pressures of every day life. Problems within the relationship do not lessen because you have a partner to lean on. In fact, a romantic relationship presents a new set of issues that are less of a priority to single people.

Coordinating daily schedules can present a challenge. If the two of you decide to work full time especially outside of the home, this can be a strain. If children are involved, will one partner decide to stay at home full time to take care of the children? Less money coming into the home could disrupt the finances.

According to scientific researches, the origin of the issues in a romantic relationship mostly evolve from trivial matters and goes on increasing owing to the reluctant attitude of the couples to talk over their differences. Conflicts can not be avoided in the relationship; as it involves the contribution of two different people and the opinions and mind sets of two different individuals that cannot be the same. So the point is not about having differences but about how people with different mind sets can adjust.

Red Flags in Relationships

In order to start repairing a broken relationship, you must identify the troubled areas. These issues usually surface again and again but should be acknowledged, discussed and a plan to put into action.

Tension can build up as one partner becomes more frustrated and less interested in the relationship. Communication can slowly desist and personal time to yourself could become you in a relationship by yourself. But you want to fix the relationship before it is completely broken.

Fix What Is Broken

1. Communication - If any relationship is going to survive and thrive, couples must communicate about problems or misunderstandings. Keeping silent when issues arrive will only make matters worse and contributes to a rocky relationship.
2. Push Away Pride - Acknowledge when you’re wrong and apologize for it. Also, accept your partner’s apology when extended.
3. Care For Yourself - Do not forget about yourself in a relationship (e.g. exercise, eat right, dress well, take an interesting fun class). For women especially because they tend to consistently put everyone else ahead of themselves).
4. Romance - Date your partner. Set aside time to do some of the things that brought you together in the first place. Surprise your partner with a special gift.
5. Don’t Criticize - We all make mistakes from time to time and there is no reason to criticize your partner every chance you get. If you want to be forgiven, you have to forgive.
6. Spend Time Together - Busy schedules can crowd your personal time together. Set definite times for activities together during the week with just the two of you. (ex. biking, bowling, dinner and a movie, dancing).
7. Therapy or Counseling - Therapy may help if both couples are willing to attend and discuss issues deeply ingrained.
8. Be Patient - Love takes time to build and grow. Try not to expect unrealistic expectations of each other.
9. Be Honest - Talk about how you feel. Be honest with yourself and discuss issues that may seem trivial. This will help draw you close to your partner and help you to understand him/her better.
10. Don’t Give Up - So many relationships end because one or both partners in the relationship feels that the road ahead is too long and may be too difficult to fix.

Romantic Relationships can be an extremely fulfilling journey. With a lot of hard work, love, patience, compromise, communication and respect, the journey can be a pleasant ride with exciting worthwhile adventures along the way that will last a life time.

Hanging on to a Relationship

Why is it that so many people hang on to a relationship when every fiber of their being tells them that it’s time to end it. Could it be because it’s so hard starting over? Just the thought of going back to the beginning of starting a new relationship makes people afraid. Why? Because they’ve been there before and know how very long it takes to get to the ‘comfortable state’ of familiarity with another person.

No one wants to return to that ‘obstacle course’ called dating. You recall the first date, the awkward first kiss, trying to figure out if he/she really likes you, surviving the ‘interrogation’ of his/her parents and getting along with his/her friends. Will you have two cars or one? Do you want children or not? Which one of you will relocate for employment? But you still would rather hang on, even though you understand the relationship is over. Why does it take so long to let go?

Remembering the Brighter Side

At some point in the relationship things were fresh and new, you couldn’t wait to see a new facet of your partner’s personality. You’ve learned so much from them through the passing of time and have benefited being with this person. You two were happy with each other and maybe there’s a small chance to rekindle what seems to be burned out.

You become afraid to end the relationship prematurely in case one of you have a change of heart and can convince the other that your present state of mediocrity, frustration, resentment, and strife is not so bad. You’re sure that other couples have to be going through the same things so you keep the relationship going. Sometimes we’re in a relationship so long, that no matter how bad it has become, we rationalize ourselves into staying in it.

Signs a Relationship is Over

All relationships are different but when it comes to ‘calling it quits‘, most of these come to an end for similar reasons. Remember that to end a relationship is a personal decision and should be decided upon between you and your partner alone. Below are a list of situations for personal reflection to see if ending your romantic relationship is right for you and why some people call it quits.

• An Unfaithful Partner
• Constant bickering between the two of you over trivial matters
• Unable to be fulfilled in the relationship
• Resurfacing of same issues even with counseling, problems not resolved
• Willing to co-parent the rearing of your children with your ex?
• Have dreams that your partner died (if partner isn’t ill or elderly)
• Fearful of Partner - physical and/verbal abuse
• Different goals and values
• Irritated on just about everything your partner does
• Communication with your partner is almost non-existent
• Your partner is an alcoholic or drug user
• No progression in the relationship (e.g. you were 20 yrs old when you met and now you’re 35 and he/she still wants to wait to have a child)

Meeting the Challenge of an Engagement

Celebrities get engaged and married all of the time and break up soon thereafter. You personally know couples that were so in love in the past but are now ’so in love’ with someone else. You know you love him/her and you want to spend the rest of your life with them but the nagging uncertainty of the whole commitment issue is eating away at you. Friends and family have taken their role as spectators and players in your relationship egging you on as you wonder: Am I ready to be engaged?

Although close family, friends, co-workers and associates are not shy about their opinion on the subject of engagement, no one can tell you if you’re ready to be engaged but yourself. Fortunately, there is some good advice to be taken into consideration before coming to that conclusion.

Engagement - Trapped or Treasured?

You may hear from others who truly mean well, that getting engaged is a trap, the end of your single life and the beginning of a life time of boredom - it’s no fun. They may say you can’t go anywhere you want or do what you’d like without your partner attached to your hip. You may even hear, “You’re going to lose yourself by committing to the relationship.” These comments can be tricky because in a way you do experience some of these things when you’re engaged, but it can be in a positive way.

Getting engaged usually means the end of ‘the single life’ but isn’t this why you’re with this person. You love the companionship of your partner. You like not having to go to the movies alone, you enjoy dining and vacationing together, laughing together and brainstorming together.

You do lose part of yourself as an individual but grow as a couple. If you’re with the person that’s right for you, you’ll flourish into an even more beautiful person inside while gaining your partner’s trust, respect and loyalty which will make him/her love you even more. So being engaged may sound like a trap but can turn out to be a treasure.

The Mindset: Men vs Women

When the right person comes into the picture, many people wonder how long they should date before getting engaged? Dr. Drew Pinsky, co-host of MTV’s “Loveline,” told USA Weekend that it takes about six months to know someone well enough before considering marriage. But he observes that men and women have different mind-sets when it comes to being ready to stroll down the aisle. Men wait for the right time to get married, while women wait for the right partner.

“Men more often decide whether to get married on the basis of where they are in life rather than whom they’re with,” he told the newspaper. “Many men have an internal script for when they’re ready for marriage … They don’t necessarily have to be with the absolute `right’ woman. They just need to be with a woman they care very much about at that time.”

Added Pinsky, “Some men will make very rapid decisions if they’re really ready. Most of the relationships that go on for years and years and years happen because the man is trying to get to the point in his life where he feels ready.” Women see marriage as a beginning and men may see it as an end.

While men are constantly evaluating the opportunity cost, women are excited about the opportunity gain. The reason men usually ‘run’ has little to do with his girlfriend personally, and instead has to do with his own struggle from feelings about change, ideals of perfection, and fears of the unknown.

Ready or Not

Don’t feel pressured into marriage because your ‘biological clock’ is ticking or you’re ‘pushing forty’ and all your friends are engaged or married already. Marriage is a bond of life long commitment and the engagement should be entered into with solidarity. So, how do you know if you’re ready?

Consider these points:

• Does your partner put his/her parents wishes before yours or are they controlled by their parents? Notice a Bible verse to reason upon. It’s Genesis 2:24 which states,… ‘A man will leave his father and his mother and he must stick to his wife and they must become one flesh.’
  
• Can you talk about your needs and concerns with your partner without feeling inhibited or that he/she won’t understand?
• Do you still feel the same way about him/her when you’re separated for a period of time or get bored as time goes by?
• Are you willing to compromise on certain decisions within the marriage and not dominate your loved one verbally or abusively?
• Are you both in agreement as to whether or not to have children?
• Are your finances in tact? (e.g. to rent or own, clear up debt.) Can you both live within the budget planned?
• Are your life goals in harmony with one another?
• Does he/she ‘put you down’ or disgrace you in private and in public?
• Have you decided where you’ll live? (e.g. long distance relationships between couples from different countries or children of divorced parents who may not be able to leave the state)
• Have you spent a considerable amount of time getting to know each other for at least a year? (Dr. Sherron Patterson founder of The Love Clinic states: “A year is enough time to know a person but not know too much to spoil the relationship. If you go beyond a year, you will want to cohabitate. Statistics show those who cohabitate and marry later have higher divorce rates because they enter marriage with different expectations.”)
• Are you actually committed to getting married during the engagement? (If not, what’s the point of getting engaged?)
• Ask yourself, ‘Will You Mary You?’ If you are unhappy with yourself be it physically, your financial situation, mentally or emotionally, how can someone else be happy to be with you?

Remember you should never get married because of a pregnancy, because you feel guilty, or because someone else wants you to. Try also not to take the opposite approach (not getting engaged) by listening to well intentioned friends and family who don’t really know the depth of your relationship with the person you’re considering to marry.

Getting engaged is one of the most important steps in a relationship. It’s a life changing decision that should be well thought out and planned by getting to know the one you love with the intent on spending the rest of your life with them.

Scary Statistics

Unfortunately in recent times, ‘cheaters’ have become more prevalent than ever. So many people are having affairs, that a television show called Cheaters was made well known by catching cheaters in the act! There are web sites that organize and encourage affairs. Film, television, movies and books sensationalize sexual relations outside of marriage. They make it seem exciting, fun and harmless.

Some surveys on the Internet found over 50 percent of the people polled (both men and women) were unfaithful. Even more shocking were studies done worldwide showed that 2 out of every 10 of us were born as the result of an affair. Adultery statistics state that 85 percent of woman who feel their lover is cheating are correct and 50 percent of men who feel their lover is cheating are right.

“Most experts do consider the ‘educated guess’ that at the present time some 50 to 65 percent of husbands and 45 to 55 percent of wives become extramaritally involved by the age of 40 to be a relatively sound and reasonable one,” according to Peggy Vaughan, author of The Monogamy Myth, first published in 1989 by Newmarket Press (third edition published 2003).

Safeguard Your Relationship

Dishonesty and deception cause infidelity to flourish. Being open about telling your partner you have an attraction towards someone could help you not to stray. Be alert to forming an emotional connection with someone outside your marriage, you may be able to stop it from going too far. Beware of the ‘lure of the internet’. It may seem innocent but affairs can start online then develop into a physical act of having the affair.

Affairs can develop at work. Avoid situations that can lead to romance or emotional bonding such as private lunches and regular coffee breaks. Keep ‘old flames’ away. Stay away from old partners from your past relationship. If you do decide to see them, bring your current partner along. Spend time with friends and family who value marriage and respect monogamous relationships. Notice some of the signs Infidelity Expert Ruth Houston says to look for if you suspect your partner is having an affair: (http://www.infidelityadvice.com/)

Signs of an Affair

1. Work Habits - Work is commonly used as an excuse for large blocks of time away from home, a place used by cheating partners to cover up their affairs. As the affair unfolds work habits will change.
2. Telephone Tip-Offs - Illicit affairs depend on repeated contact. Cheaters have to communicate and many take the risk of calling their ’secret lovers’ from home or have their lovers call them at home.
3. Gifts - Cheating partners often exchange gifts throughout the year. You may find gifts or cards hidden around the home or car. Look out for receipts or credit card bills for gifts that turn up before or shortly after the holidays. Sooner or later this will reflect in the family finances.
4. Physical Appearance - Your partner will suddenly become preoccupied with improving his/her appearance to make themselves more attractive. Be alert to changes in wardrobe, grooming and body. Drastic changes could mean he/she is trying to impress someone other than yourself.
5. Personality or Behavioral Changes - Be alert for changes in his/her attitude, personality or behavior whether drastic or subtle could indicate your partner is having an affair.
6. Eating Habits - A cheating partner’s eating habits can be influenced by his or her lover. They can develop a preference for the kind of food their ‘lover’ likes to eat.
7. Sex - Changes in the frequency or quality of your sex life together. If you suspect an affair, take measures to protect yourself from the risk of HIV/AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases.
8. Relating to You - Your partner’s involvement with someone else will cause him/her to treat you differently even on a subconscious level. Conversation changes in what he/she chooses or refuses to talk about, even in their tone of voice can be a sign of an affair.
9. Home Invasion - It’s not uncommon for a cheating partner to invite his/her lover home. Usually evidence of personal items are left behind. Also, physical evidence can be located in clothes pockets, purses, wallets, closets, tool boxes, jewelry cases, filing cabinets, workshop, garage, etc.
10. Smells and Tastes - Everyone has a unique smell or taste which could go unnoticed until it is replaced with something else. This could include kisses that taste different or something in your home or car that smells ‘different’.

Having an affair is a selfish act that harms a relationship, the trust between two people, spouses and children who are affected. If you find yourself forming an emotional attachment to someone other than the person you’re committed to, break off ties immediately. Flirting is not innocent fun but is deliberately expressing interest in an individual which opens the door to having an affair.

Deciding Whether to Remain in a Relationship

Relationships are some of the most complex aspects of our lives, especially when they are long-term. When things are going well, romance can be euphoric in nature but at the low points couples may experience emotional and mental depression.

What if you’re at a state of ambivalence, you don’t know whether to stay committed to your relationship or leave and look for something that could become even better? Maybe what you have is good enough, and you’d be a fool to abandon it in search of something new, something you may never find.

Sticking it Out

Ending a relationship is never easy. You have a history with your partner both good and bad and starting over is difficult. Some people would rather ’stick it out’ and stay in the relationship even if they’re unhappy to avoid the pain that ‘breaking up’ brings, or they’re passive, hoping he/she will end it first. A romantic relationship needs to be cared for and nurtured in order to endure. Time and attention is needed to keep each other interested.

When you have little time for each other or new interests such as hobbies and needs of other people start putting a wedge between you two as a couple, then the relationship could be heading for disaster. Also, if your attention continually wanders away from your partner and engages the interest of another, (not just glancing at an attractive or interesting person) this could be a signal that the romance has faded.

Starting Over - Fading Out

Below are important signs to look for to know it’s time to end the relationship.

• Loss of Respect - If you find that you or your partner constantly talk in a way that suggest contempt and annoyance in almost every utterance, your relationship may be doomed.
• Abusive Partner - If your partner is physically or mentally abusive you should almost certainly remove yourself from the relationship, it’s only going to get worse from there.
• Cheating Partner - If your partner cheats multiple times, doesn’t make the effort to stop and doesn’t sympathize with the pain it’s causing you, it’s time to leave.
• Unsavory Activities - If your partner is involved in illegal or immoral activities and they show no interest in recognizing the problem and getting help, help yourself out of the relationship.
• Meeting Your Needs - If it takes too much effort to get your needs met, it’s not worth staying.
• Make You A Better Person - If he/she does little to enhance your life, (e.g. make you want to be a better person). You’ll gain more by leaving and finding someone else who will.
• Feelings Fade - You no longer have strong feelings for your partner but reminisce about the feelings you used to have. You love what used to be, not enough to keep a relationship going.
• Emotionally Disconnected - You’re finding more reasons to spend time apart, frequent time apart equals no relationship.
• Core Values Changing - If you’ve changed your values, beliefs or goals to accommodate your partner hoping this will end relationship problems, separate yourself from the relationship.
• Forgiveness - If you find you can’t forgive each other’s transgressions then resentment will gradually replace love - Leave.
• No Fun - If he/she is lacking a sense of humor and doesn’t like to have fun, end it. A relationship without fun, is no relationship at all.
• Don’t Distance Yourself - If you find yourself distancing or cutting off ties with former close relationships such as family and friends, this could be a controlling factor. Leave the one who dominates.
• Promises Broken - If your partner constantly makes promises to you that go unfulfilled, end it. This is an indication that when it comes to more serious matters, those promises will not be kept either.
• Future Planning - If there is no planning of your future together, (your goals, hopes and dreams) something is definitely wrong - time to go.

You should be happier in a romantic relationship and more alive, not emotionally or mentally drained throughout. Your romantic interest should make you want to be the best person you can, to achieve your goals, love more, laugh more often, and others should be able to see the genuinely positive effect he/she is having in your life. So be strong and make the decision that’s right for you. In turn, you’ll be right for someone else.

Me vs. We

Say for instance you like the color red and your husband/wife likes blue. You both want to paint the wall different colors so instead you compromise by choosing green, a color neither of you would have chosen at the outset. This reconciled the difference and opened the way for a new color scheme that would not have existed if both partners fought for their own way. Both individuals compromised for the sake of relationship.

At the outset of the relationship, try determining for yourself what you are willing and unwilling to compromise. Couples compromise on small things on a daily basis learning how to be with and live with each other. Areas that are off limits to compromise are core values such as honesty, integrity, and responsibility. Losing these would be compromising yourselves as individuals.

Areas of Conflict

According to family counseling experts, money is the number one area of conflict among couples followed by sex, children, in-laws and work. Behind the differences lies deeper hidden issues such as control, recognition, integrity, respect, commitment and caring. The way a couple attempt to resolve conflict is often based on what they’ve learned growing up.

Techniques such as the silent treatment or running away when things get tough are ineffective ways to solve conflict and tend to create more conflict. Couples who recognize they have poor techniques can learn more effective methods which will allow them to resolve the issue at hand and move forward.

Meeting Each Others Needs - How?

• Both individuals must agree to reconcile and then discuss the issues in a calm manner

• Make sure you’re in a safe place and have agreed upon rules that will ensure structure and safety to deal with highly emotional issues.

• If emotions do become ‘heated’ take a break from the conversation to cool off.

• Identify the main cause of the conflict and commit to listening to each other about it

• Understand each other’s history about the issue

• Take personal responsibility and admit when you’re wrong

• Do not ‘point fingers’, by saying ‘You did this or that’, instead rephrase your feelings by saying “I feel frustrated when this happens”

• Brainstorm ways to resolve the problem

If you really love the person you’re with, make the effort to fix the problems that have caused the division between you and your partner. Work as a team as the two of you work together, make it known that you love each other and are serious about reconciling your differences.

Why Write a Love Letter?

Writing is one of the oldest forms of communication and is a way to clearly organize your thoughts and convey your feelings in a precise manner. The advantage of writing is that you don’t have to worry about fumbling over your words, you can delete, erase, scratch out and rewrite what you want to say before it’s delivered to the recipient.

People love receiving letters. Why? Because it gives them a feeling of importance, that someone thought enough of them to take the time and write down what they really wanted to say. It also lends that element of surprise! Every one can attest to being elated when they receive a letter in the mail from a person they love.

A Letter of Love

Writing a love letter is different than writing any other letter because it’s personal, intimate and usually intended strictly for the person you love, not for the whole world to read. Pouring out your feelings this way can sometimes be scary because once they’re out, there’s no taking them back. But at the same time, it will help unleash all of the pent-up emotions that you have been dying to tell your Love.

The writing style of a love letter should be fluid. Following certain guidelines can help you achieve the perfect results. Award-Winning Nationally Recognized Writer Larry Barkdull has compiled a list of simple guidelines that can help anyone write a love letter well.

1. Presentation - Use beautiful stationery (a neutral, soft color, such as cream or white) and a flair pen with black or brown ink–no blues, greens or reds! Remember, your Love Letter is being written to someone special. Hand-written letters are best. This is personal–you are not writing a business letter!

2. Ambiance - Go to a secluded place and put on soft, romantic music. A quiet room would be nice. Dim the lights. Stimulate a romantic mood.

3. Keepsake - Date your Love Letter (month, day, year). This is a letter that will be treasured and remembered. You can count on it being read over and over and safeguarded in a special place.

4. Greeting - Choose an endearing salutation. Don’t be formal. Use your Love’s first name. For example: “My dearest Jennifer . . .” or “My darling Matt . . .”

5. Beginning - Start your Love Letter by telling your beloved your reasons for writing. For instance: “I have lain awake many sleepless nights trying to compose words that might adequately describe the feelings of my heart. But every time I have made the attempt, I have failed miserably. Please forgive my poor effort and accept a trite and simple phrase: I love you. I think I can say it no better than that. . . .” Never insult your beloved feelings or belittle yourself by saying something like: “I know you probably don’t feel this way,” or “You must think I’m crazy.” If you are timid in your Love Letter, your attempt at conveying heartfelt words will fall flat and might be misunderstood.

6. Body - The body of the Love Letter should include reasons for why you fell in love. Here are some ideas:

-Recall when you fell in love with him/her
-Explain how your life has changed for the better
-Describe how much you miss your love when you’re apart
-Explain that you can’t imagine life without him/her
-List some of the many things you have in common
-Tell how wonderful and complete he/she makes you feel
-Recall some special moments you’ve shared together
-Mention times you’ve picked him/her out of a crowd
-List qualities that set him/her apart from everyone else

Avoid being casual, too light-hearted, or openly erotic. A Love Letter is a letter of respect that conveys deep, difficult-to-express feelings. Don’t discount the impact of poetry in place of, or in addition to, your words. Maybe your beloved has a favorite author or poet. It will be seen as a compliment if you take the time to quote someone he/she admires. Be sure to give proper credit where it’s due. Don’t forget the Internet is a great place to find that poem or song you are trying to quote!

Be real - Your Love Letter should be a carefully crafted work of art, but it also needs to sound sincere. You want your Love Letter to make your beloved fall in love, not fall into laughter. Be confident as you express your emotions, dreams, and vulnerability.

NOTE: don’t expect your first attempt will be the letter you send. Practice on scrap paper before you start writing on your good stationery. REVISE, then leave it for a few hours, then return and revise it again. Read it again in the morning before you send it. You’ll improve it, as well as have fewer regrets–guaranteed!

7. Closing - End your Love Letter with carefully worded prose: “There, I have said it. I can rest now. And as I dream, I will dream of you.” Make your closing upbeat and positive.

8. Valediction - Don’t just end with: “Love, Eric.” Even if you said, “All my love,” it would be better. You become even more romantic by writing something like: “Dream of me, my love . . . .” What you want is a simple, yet heartfelt goodbye: “With undying love,” or “Forever yours.” Remember, you may think this is too sappy, but your loved one will treasure each word. Be prepared to have it quoted to you in years to come.

9. Insert - Include a special extra: petals from a flower, sprinkles of stars, a teabag of your favorite tea . . . . You get the idea. That little extra effort means you really put some thought (and heart) into this.

10. Neatness counts - Gently fold the Love Letter and place it in a neatly addressed envelope–hopefully, one that matches your stationery. The correct way is to fold a small stationery sheet (or sheets) in half with the text on the inside. Place the letter in the envelope with the crease at the bottom and the salutation facing the back. Hand address the envelope. Remember what your elementary teacher taught you about penmanship–make sure your love is able to read your writing! Add a stamp that looks romantic–the Garden Bouquet stamps are nice–and affix it upside down. It is a custom that means, “I love you.” Drop the letter in the mail. That’s it! Expect an emotional response. And here’s another tip: buy some breath mints–you’ll need them!

11. Be expressive - Here are some popular words to use in your Love Letter: angel, angelic, lover, giving, alluring, tempting, sensual, sensuality, seeing, tasting, touching, holding, caressing, memories, memorable, darling, gorgeous, absence, velvet, voyage, beautiful, vision, elation, blossoms, happy, kisses, innocent, passion, dreaming, delirious, temptation, complete, desire, content, embrace, rainbow, rose, adoring, stars, privileged, heart.

Why First Impressions are Important

As the saying goes, ‘you never get a second chance to make a first impression‘. Getting to the point of meeting your partner’s parents is a big step in itself. Your relationship is growing and you want to include each others family in your progression as a couple.

It’s also a good idea to meet the parents because they’d like to get to know the person who has become such a central part of their son or daughter’s life. Good parents care about their children and want the best for them and they want to know if you’re the person that is going to make their child happy.

What to Expect When Meeting the Parents

The anticipation of meeting the parents can be very daunting. Perhaps the recollection of the movie, “Meet The Parents“ starring Robert Dinero and Ben Stiller, has you wanting to escape and go into hiding. But it doesn’t have to be a terrifying ordeal.

Remember that parents are human just like you so try not to panic. If you love the person you’re with, meeting their parents is inevitable. Understand that when you meet the parents, they’ll be listening to what you say and watching everything you do. It’s like a mental test and you want to pass with flying colors.

Preparing to Meet the Parents

First, You can lessen the stress by doing something you enjoy, (e.g. playing golf, swimming, a day at the spa). This will help loosen up your muscles and mentally relax you.

Second, When you actually meet the parents, let your partner discuss your relationship first to them as he/she know them well and can ease you into the conversation without unnecessarily over intensifying the moment.

Third, Avoid tough topics that are controversial and emotionally driven because this can make for an uncomfortable situation. Also stay away from sore issues that should be discussed between you and your partner alone at least for the first impression or the first half hour. Be attentive, respond to questions and contribute to the conversation.

Fourth, Do not be critical of, insult or judge his/her parents. Parents have a special place in their hearts so be respectful, polite and caring.

Five, Be yourself, interesting yet interested but not overly friendly and fake. Parents can detect when you’re not being true to them and yourself. So take it easy.

Six, Dress well. Whether it’s a black tie affair or a picnic at the park, always dress modestly without sacrificing your own style. Think of what you wear as a reflection of how they will expect you to treat their son or daughter.

Seven, Fathers can be very intimidating so get on a common ground with him. Ask him about his work, hobbies or interests to calm the mood.

Eight, If a meal is prepared by the mom, always compliment her on it. Mothers find pleasure in entertaining and love to hear how you appreciate the time and effort they put into it.

Nine, Take an active interest in the parents. Talk ahead of time to learn a little about them. This will help put you at ease because you won’t feel like they are complete strangers when you first meet.

Ten, Concentrate on the two of you when the ‘meet’ is over. Do something exciting and fun to balance out the rest of the day.

Great Gifts for Parents

So you’ve gotten down the basics of what to do when you’re meeting the parents for the first time. But you can’t go empty handed.

What to bring?

1. Flowers or plants for mom and wine for dad is almost always acceptable.
2. Chocolates are a sweet way to meet and greet parents.
3. Gift Certificate to a nice restaurant
4. Fine Italian or French Coffee
5. A Picture Frame (engraved with their names)
6. Candy Bowls or Decorative Tin (with cookies or candy in them)
7. Book or DVD on topics their interested in or favorite CD
8. Personalized Doormat - very creative and just perfect for their home
9. A free round of golf or tickets to an event of interest
10. Herb Garden for the home is the gift that keeps on giving.

Remember that the parents you’re meeting aren’t just anyone, they could turn out to be your in-laws. And a great first impression will go a long way in paving a smooth transition for the future.

Talk to Her Friends

Girlfriends know a lot about each other. There are things that they will disclose to their ‘Girls’ that you’ll never hear. They might even say that they like a certain gift from you, even if it’s not particularly their ‘taste’ and go tell their girlfriends otherwise. They do this to make you happy and keep the peace but they’d really wish you’d gotten them something else. Girls may at times ‘hint’ at what they want while men say exactly what they want which makes it even harder for guys to figure out what gifts to get them.

Friends of your girlfriend are like walking memory banks. They store pertinent information such as how you treat her in front of them, her family and others. A special quality that women naturally have is ‘being a good listener’. Granted, women are also known for ‘loving to talk’, but they listen to others as well. Even when you think they are not listening, they’re listening. Just ask their children or husband.

What Women Want

The key to understanding what a woman wants is simple: It’s the ‘little things’ that mean the most. Planning extravagant vacations and buying her expensive gifts are great. Yet the things that don’t cost much at all holds the highest value in her eyes. The list below will give you a combination of things that she’ll love. It’s all about balance.

The Perfect Ten:

1. Car Detail - Yes, washing her car is the perfect gift because women don’t like to do it. Guys spend so much time washing their cars that it would really make her happy if he did the same for hers.
2. Suds It Up! - Help your girlfriend wash dishes or give her some time to herself and wash them for her. Women find this very attractive.
3. Family Matters - Spend time with her family. Making the effort to get to know her family will make her love you even more. (e.g., dinner at her parents place, attending her niece dance recital, going to her father’s retirement party).
4. Drink of The Vine - Gift an ‘In Home Wine Tasting Party’ by inviting her friends. This will show that you recognize her friends are important to her and encourage her continued relationship with them.
5. Home Improvement - Make-Over shows are huge these days and women have always loved to improve on what they already have. Giving your girlfriend a gift certificate to a home improvement store will make her scream with excitement as if Ty Pennington himself is at her door.
6. Book It - Self-help books are a way of expressing to her that you want her to grow as a woman and pursue her goals whatever they may be. (Ex., Women and Money by Suze Orman; Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, or How To Be Lovely: The Audrey Hepburn Way of Life by Melissa Hellstern).
7. Anniversaries - This is important because to her this means your relationship together. Every time another one comes around she’s grateful that you two have made it through another year together so gift her something special like a tennis bracelet, diamond earrings or a trip to Venice!
8. Spa Her - Relaxation, Rejuvenation and Renewal: A spa get away is the perfect gift for her to take her time and unwind. Give her the special treatment she deserves by the two of you going to a romantic spa such as, the Coeur d’Alene Resort in Northern Idaho (USA) with waterfall fountains, lake views and side-by-side water beds which doubles as massage tables.
9. Picture This - Make a photo album with pictures from your relationship, create a Photo CD or frame some of her favorite photos and hang them up wherever she’d like. You may see a tear roll down her cheek with this one.
10. Up Close and Personal - Gift tickets to her favorite movie, play or concert. Don’t play it cheap, always get the best seats. She’ll thank you for it in a big way.

The best way to know what to give your girlfriend is to be attentive. She will show you by her reactions to everyday matters if she likes something or not. If she doesn’t like what you gave initially, don’t fret, she’ll be sure to give you another chance to redeem yourself.

Meet His Match

A mother’s love for her son is very strong. Little boys tend to naturally gravitate towards their mothers and as they grow into men, this bond does not disappear. Your boyfriend’s mom has the upper hand as she knows her son pretty well by adulthood. So how can you compete when it comes to buying him the perfect gift?

If you have a good relationship with his parents, why not talk to them and ask what he liked as a child. While much of his interests have changed, there still may be a special ’something’ in his past that could help you purchase a great gift for him now.

Gifts for Guys

Finding the right gift for guys is more difficult than finding gifts for girls because there are more options available for girls. Fortunately, girls are much more creative when it comes to getting the right gift. They tend to personalize the search and come up with something really special for their guy. What do guys like most?

The Top Ten:

1. Gadgets - There’s no secret that men love gadgets. A few favorites are: cell phones, laptops, Ipods, electronic organizers, electronic shavers, mp3 players, cutting edge universal remotes, Dual Screen DVD Players for the car, etc.
2. CD’s - Why not get your boyfriend a personalized CD with all his favorite songs. A photo of the two of you on the front and liner notes of your relationship together would certainly sweeten the sentiment.
3. Shoes - We all know that guys love shoes even if they don’t admit it. Step it up a notch and get him a pair of Puma Mostro Ripstop for the summer. He can wear them with jeans and a T-Shirt. KangaRoos Mundo 51 shoes will give him that retro look and is versatile. He can wear these with jeans, shorts, cargos, etc.
4. ESPN Magazine Subscription - Most guys love their sports, whether watching them on the tube or participating in them. A gift subscription for a year will surely have him thinking about you for the next 12 months.
5. Concert Tickets - His favorite band is in town and getting tickets to this concert would be the ultimate surprise. Do not purchase cheap seats - No where to go but front row!
6. Clothes - Know his size. Buy him that favorite Hurley Hoodie or Volcom T-Shirt so he can recognize comfort and style at the same time. For business casual, get him a nice pair of oxfords, loafers and a belt to match.
7. Electric Drink Caddie - This unique gift will ‘wow’ his friends on the golf course. He can enjoy hot or cold drinks right from his golf bag. It looks like a regulation driver but with a one-button dispensing pump.
8. Books - Get your boyfriend interesting books or great novels. Why not choose the top audio books on CD or books such as 101 Things To Do Before You’re Old and Boring by Richard Horn & Helen Szirtes.
9. Romantic Dinner Cruise For Two - Give him the gift of romance, a wonderful way to get away for a few days. You two can enjoy this time together dancing, eating wonderful cuisine, listening to live music and sleeping underneath the stars.
10. Venture Out - Gift him introduction to Scuba Diving classes, to experience White Water Rafting or Custom Fly Fishing.

A gift for your boyfriend can be made easy if you think about what he likes instead of what you’d like for him. It can also be a great opportunity to learn more about him and enjoy the experience of searching for the perfect gift.